


Rain

by Disoryented



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27579386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disoryented/pseuds/Disoryented
Summary: There is a steady knock against his window, a bit drowned by the rain, but still prominent enough for him to hear.His nightstand clock reads 02:34 AM, the red light flicking to the next minute as he rises. He should be asleep, asleep like his parents, like his brother in the next room.Instead he's awake. Doyoung is awake at this ungodly hour. Why, you ask? The knock comes again and he takes a moment to frown. But a single text of his was replied to and the others were opened but left read. Hours had passed, hours of worry, but when no reply came by 22:00 PM his usual bedtime, he started preparing.Even now as he walks to his rack and pulls his towel off, he thinks: I should have prepared for the rain.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. 
> 
> This is random, but I needed a step away. So-  
> 1\. Sorry for mistakes. (I proofread myself and English isn't my first language.)  
> 2\. I am projecting through Johnny in this fic, so he isn't his usual amazing self.  
> 3\. This is a vent fic. I needed a way to speak without speaking.  
> 4\. I am working on other stuff. No promises, but I am doing my best.

There is a steady knock against his window, a bit drowned by the rain, but still prominent enough for him to hear.   
  
His nightstand clock reads 02:34 AM, the red light flicking to the next minute as he rises. He should be asleep, asleep like his parents, like his brother in the next room.   
  
Instead he's awake. Doyoung is awake at this ungodly hour. Why, you ask? The knock comes again and he takes a moment to frown. But a single text of his was replied to and the others were opened but left read. Hours had passed, hours of worry, but when no reply came by 22:00 PM his usual bedtime, he started preparing.   
  
Even now as he walks to his rack and pulls his towel off, he thinks: _I should have prepared for the rain._   
  
He opens his window slowly, silently as not to wake the sleeping residents. Lest the find out what he's been doing all this time.   
  
The cold air streams in instantly, claps him in the face and howls through his room as the rain falls. There he stands... and Doyoung frowns as he watches him shake, shiver.   
  
"Why didn't you take an umbrella? Or a raincoat?" are his first words of concern and he isn't surprised when the man replies with;  
  
"We don't have any- Well one," his teeth clatter, "but if I took it, they would know."   
  
"Right," Doyoung frowns. Johnny makes no attempts to move, only does so when Doyoung reaches out into the cold rain and wraps a hand around his wrist, pulls gently. "Come here, baby."   
  
He hates this. He hates that Johnny has the will to walk to his house in the freezing rain at 01:00 AM, but not the will to take the last step. He never comes in himself. He always waits, waits in the cold.   
  
_"I don't like being a burden,"_ are his words. _"If you're tired of me I can just leave. I can stop. I know you have school in the morning. What if your parents find out?"_  
  
He always worries for Doyoung, puts Doyoung first where he should be doing that with himself.  
  
He hates it... but he realizes that is also one of Johnny's best qualities. His empathy... so easily manipulated... or made to feel guilty that he feels the need to help, even when hurt. This has been going on for years now, years... and Doyoung is tired, but he is more worried..., worried for Johnny.   
  
The replies have gotten shorter, the days of silence longer. He's thinned down, doesn't smile as much as when they first met.   
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks as he helps the large man pull off his shirt, strip his pants. He shakes his head as he dries himself off, silently sits on the bed a moment... before he lowers himself, curls into a ball.   
  
Doyoung throws his wet clothes into the hamper and silently joins him. Johnny uncurls when Doyoung reaches for him and lets himself be shifted forward. Doyoung pulls the duvet over them and hugs the man close to his chest, Johnny's face pressed into his neck.   
  
It doesn't take long after that. Only slow caresses of Doyoung's hands over his wide back, over his damp hair and the words, "It's okay," for Johnny to break.   
  
His breathing becomes uneven, stutters and the first sob falls from his lips against Doyoung's neck. He continues to caress his skin, hush him and rock him lightly as Johnny presses closer, cries against Doyoung's skin. He can feel Johnny's tears roll over it, can feel how he grips his shirt.  
  
It goes on like this for a few minutes. He's never counted, sometimes it's short, sometimes longer, Johnny falling asleep in his arms, but today the man stays awake.   
  
His breathing evens out and he sniffles softly every few seconds, but he stays motionless with his nose to Doyoung's neck.   
  
This can go a lot of ways, but today Johnny speaks.   
  
"My dad doesn't care that mom keeps taking our allowance," he whispers, "My sister showed me her text with him. He says we always have a problem...."   
  
Doyoung doesn't reply, knows not to. He knows Johnny just wants to vent and if his boyfriend needs anything, it's to voice what is on his chest to someone who will listen to him, someone who knows all the bullshit he has to put up with every day without asking... _but why?_  
  
"Grandma is sick... and they woke me up to change her... twice. I don't know why it's so hard to just... change her. She can't walk... she can't get her own food. Why can't you just change her? ... I already do the dishes, sweep the house and change her every night. Besides that when my sister goes to school I watch her son." He pauses a moment before continuing, "They don't give me anything for this. Why am I this nice? They don't even care enough to remember to pay for college... I dropped out."   
  
Doyoung blinks surprised. Johnny had mentioned it before, had complained that he didn't want to take the course. _Especially_ if they weren't going to pay for it, but they had said they would... and he believed them... "Because I'm stupid and want to believe they care about me," he had cried time and time again.   
  
"What are you going to do now?" Doyoung finally asks.   
  
"I don't know," he whispers and he sounds so tired. He's said this as well, has said how tired he is and every day has been him just losing all of his motivation, his drive. He just works on auto pilot and though Doyoung still manages to make him laugh... it pains him to see how Johnny will just silently sit and stare at nothing.   
  
"You'll be okay."   
  
He knows Johnny wants to ask; "Will I?" but today he doesn't. He just lays in Doyoung's arms until he dozes.   
  
Nights like this are not what he expected when Johnny had come to speak with him so long ago, but it's a part of him. Sometimes Johnny craves a distraction and Doyoung will provide. Be it taking him out, or fucking him until he can't think, but some nights... like today... Johnny just wants to be held. Just wants to be told that he'll be okay… even if he himself doesn't believe it.   
  
Doyoung thinks... that if _he_ says it, if _he_ speaks the words to Johnny... Johnny will believe them... and if that's true he'll keep saying them. He'll keep being here.   
  
"I'm going to take you away," he whispers to his hair, plants a kiss in the soft locks that are now dry. "I promise. Just hold on for me. Okay?"   
  
Johnny doesn't reply, sleeps with his shoulders relaxed and with lashes on his cheeks. This is when he is the least stressed: In Doyoung's bed... in Doyoung's arms. He's said this. He's said many things and no matter how many things Johnny will say, no matter how many times he will change his mind...Doyoung will be there for him.   
  
Hours from now he'll have to wake him... he'll have to drive him home before the world rises, he'll have to watch him frown as he stares at his house. But Johnny will get out... he'll get up and do the same thing.   
  
_"You're strong,"_ Doyoung always tells him and Johnny never agrees, but Doyoung will keep saying it, because that's what he believes. He'll kiss Johnny goodbye and pray that the man will text, call... _see him_ , because he never wants to go through the day Johnny had broken down and sobbed out how he wanted to end his life.   
  
_"Please don't say that,"_ he had begged over the phone, voice breaking, _"If you do that? What about me? Are you just going to leave me!??"_  
  
Johnny had simply cried as a reply, his sobs breaking over the call and then a soft, _"I'm sorry,"_ followed. _"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_   
  
_"It's not your fault. I will take you away. I promise. Please,"_ he begged, _"Just... don't leave... I need you, Johnny."_   
  
The rain picks up outside and Doyoung looks at the way the large drops crash against the window. He's reminded of how Johnny loves the rain, loves _him_ and he sinks closer to his large frame, holds him close and whispers,   
  
"I'll always be here for you, baby. It's my job."   
  


[Twitter](https://twitter.com/disoryented) | [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Disoryented)

**Author's Note:**

> If this doesn't make sense to you. It isn't supposed to. There are years and years of layers over Johnny's words and the whole reason he is venting to Doyoung is because he knows he doesn't have to explain everything that is going on and why he is upset, because Doyoung knows. Doyoung knows everything, that's why Johnny goes to him. Please don't be overly harsh to people. You have no idea what a few simple words hold.
> 
> I don't usually scream at the top of my lungs about how much I love Doyoung, but I truly do. In a way... he is the reason I made NCT my ult group. There was a video. (It isn't up anymore sadly.) Of Enana? (NCT Night Night) I believe where a fan asked for advice because they were afraid about their future.   
> Doyoung was a guest that day and I can never fully quote, but I wrote it down in my notebook. 
> 
> "There is something I want to say... There are highschool 3rd year students and teenagers... amongst the listeners and our czennies, and although it hasn't been long since I've become an adult. I'm still an adult and...  
> I want to say that society after becoming an adult is better than expected, and it's okay not to be afraid.  
> There are people that have lots of fears. "What should I do after becoming an adult... I'm still not ready yet." 
> 
> But they are still too young to think about that.  
> I want to let them know that it's okay not to worry about those things and that the world isn't that dark.   
> There are more fun things than expected after becoming an adult."   
> \- Doyoung
> 
> I know he probably doesn't mean me. I know I will probably never have the honor of seeing the stars in his eyes or hearing his calming voice, but when I heard that I cried so hard. I cried because I had and still have no fucking idea what I am doing. I had been stressed and worried for years. I am not going to say I am mentally okay, but I carry his words with me every single day. I tell myself it's okay to not be afraid because of him. 
> 
> I may not scream about him to my friends or write him like I do other members. I may even give him a hard time in my fics, but I can not put into words how much Doyoung means to me. What his simple words have done for me. That paired with my bf who is always there for me and the most supportive person on this planet and who I love very much (His words are the ones I used in this fic) is what keeps me going every day. 
> 
> If you've made it this far thank you for reading. I do truly appreciate it.  
> .  
> ... It's raining.


End file.
